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Thank you

Hello World

I should do this again... Blog and Post.  I am going to give it some thought.

AHHH I just need to VENT

Life is difficult no doubt about it... So you just want to print some new pictures on your new $400 Canon printer 900PRO (guess you need to be some type of Pro to get it to work along with your Apple) and your mini million dollar Apple Lap top. NO not happening spending 3 hours downloading software, clicking buttons and the stupid iphoto library won't show up in the Canon print screen... Then I try to log onto CANON and apparently I don't know my own email address or somehow when I saved it into contacts I put the wrong information. Can't a girl catch a dumb break here. Then you put in your email address (the one that everyone knows including yourself) to get Canon to help you out... ooopppsss not good enough you need to know your password too. DUMB ASSES why do you think I am trying to email you. Technology sucks!

All this seems petty I know. But, at my house there is no one to compalin too so Mr. Canon and Mr. APPPLE here it is on my blog... and no I don't feel better!

Knowing

Another day of knowing ...

Terminal

Terminal... I think of an airport, vacation fun times, adventures awaiting. I don't think of illness or a life ending.

Pretty much my hubby's illness is Terminal. What to do - What to do. How much time ..... ? We know it won't be a year. We are not the first to deal with knowing and we won't be last. Do I blog - journal and capture the moments of love, grace, humbleness - the thought that any memory or sunset could be OUR last together. Is this my place to write thoughts- quirks -uncertainties? Many questions - no answers...

One year ago today...

One year ago today was the last day I had written on my blog... I had no idea - coincidence - I am not sure that I just clicked on it today and it was exactly one year later... I don't know that I will keep this up or if I want to keep this up... But a quick review for me - for you...

Let me start with today - EXCITING - Eileen and Patty are coming from New Jersey for an unexpected but very WELCOME visit. Bad news it will be a short one, in tonight and leaving Sunday... Oh well not going to think about them leaving before they get here.

Rich is at the City of Hope with Dale - he needs blood and platelets today - he will then be good to spend the weekend having fun with his NJ cousins.

I have an infection and could not play tennis today kind of bummed... and it is HOT but wonderful... Thankful for antibodics.

What else - I am doing dishes in the bathroom sink that is a good one. The kitchen faucet decided it would be a good time to break and send a waterfall out from under the cabinet. Thank GOD we were home. Good News the new part should be here tomorrow and not the 3 weeks we were original told. Oh FYI did you know that they don't make faucets in white anymore. Blame Bush!

Happy Birthday DONNA AND PATTY.

I need to go to Costco and buy some food for my guests. Putting on my BRAVE GIRL Pants and sending myself out into the world. More later maybe.... hugs to anyone reading this

I AM NOT READY

I am not ready = I am not ready. I am not ready and if I am not ready - Rich really must not be ready... or Kevin true honesty. I AM NOT READY for what is coming up in the next couple of weeks or months. But was Jesus ready when he went to the cross??? Profound... But please keep me sane!!!! AMEN...

SHOCKING a NEW POST

Not even sure if anyone ever checks here or looks to see what is new at the ISLAND. I was going to do a new BLOG with my IMAC - seriously to much work. With Rich getting ready for his second bone marrow transplant and needing to keep people updated... I thought better for now to just update this good ole - good enough for now blog. SHOCKING I know that I blogged.

Rich starts out patient chemo next Monday for 5 days. Checks into the City of Hope on Saturday for heavy chemo and gets the bone marrow transplant on Tuesday or Wednesday. October 26th or 27th.

His brother KEVIN is giving him the gift of a life time. He is a match and will be Rich's donner. Thank God for Kevin and a brother willing to not only give but drive from the central coast, be tested, poked, prodded, and harvested and probably feel like he has the flu for a couple of days.

Love to all or anyone still tuned into this blog. We will be doing updates here and letting everyone know Rich's progress and that the HYLAND'S' ISLAND Blog is back in action....

BIRTHDAY MONTH

Gosh I guess I have been MIA or living life or something. Why now Why this moment. Who knows just feeling somethings and thinking things that I am not sure what to do with and what I can do or where I can go to express myself. So I am putting them out there in the universe in cyber land! CRAZY. Anyway just sitting here at the computer getting ready to head towards my pillow and feeling profound overwhelmed feelings. Squeezed my fingers between my eyes and almost sobbed. In lieu of sobbing I am putting my fingers to work on the keyboard! My heart tells me things are about to get crazy again. Why can we not get away from the CANCER wheel? Hubby does not have cancer but he now has low white counts and not enough platelets. All a direct result of all his cancer treatments. We may be looking at a second bone marrow transplant this year... I just want to scream NO NO NO... I don't want to be a poor me/us, cry baby or be THOSE PEOPLE again... The worst thing right now is the mental part for Rich. I see the wheels turning I see doubt, discomfort and uncertainty - just pop into his brain. He does not even have to say anything. I will deal with this again - I will do what I need to do when I need to do it. This is my cyber land contract with myself. All this has nothing to do with my birthday except to wonder what it will be like next year. Truly, I feel like I have finally come out of the last transplant and the passing of Meghan. Mentally and physical feeling like - yes - life is feeling normal again (whatever that is). Thanks to all my friends and Church family and family.... we will get through this again and now I am crying.... Just sprinkling really. xoxoxo

Still

Still here on earth in case you wondering. Lots to do and no time to blog... Everyone at the Island is good and wondering where the time has gone with Thanksgiving next week. Big crowds expected here at the Island between 18 and 20. Ordered Mr. Bird today which I woke up thinking about at 5:00 am. don't you love it when some dumb thought wakes you up from a nice warm cozy deep sleep. So I got up early went to Gelsons and ordered my turkey. Now it will have to be some other dumb thought that wakes me up tomorrow. Anyway don't know if I will get back to this before the bird goes in the oven in a WEEK... so happy turkey day to all my friends out there love you all. .... God Bless and may your T-day leave you feeling blessed and bursting like you ate to much.. which we probably will.

KAUAIIAN'S

I started writing this post weeks ago and never hit the publish button because life got a lot more complicated when my niece Cassie decided to runaway and is still missing! 11 days.. she told her mom in a three way conversation with her boyfriends mom (Cynthia - whom she called first) that she was happy and being taken care of and she was fine. We are off today to hand out more posters and I am going to be with my mom whom is so beside her self I fear for her well being and health. Anyway if you want to read a couple of items from our trip here they are... REALLY PICTURES to follow..

It has been almost a month since last I posted. Another month has slipped away - September! Since two weeks of the month were spent in Kauai and one of those weeks we spent with Jeff and Michael... well let's just say it was truly paradise and a healing opportunity for this family of 4. We have not spent 7 days together as a family since Michael went off to college (just some weekends here and there)! An amazing time with sightseeing, driving, adventures, eating and yes just a couple of Mia tai's. A couple of stories for you.

One night having dinner and after dad (Rich) says hey how about a helicopter ride... sure, I am thinking to myself this is the beer talking. Rich and I both swore this is one event that is not in our top 100 or 1,000,000 for that matter of things to DO. Seems several times over the past years we have been to Kauai one of these man made flying birds runs into some type of flying problem and they don't swim well in the ocean either and the people end up that nights, nightly news headlines (not for me). The next day Rich has the 4 Hylands booked on a helicopter flight - Wednesday 8:00 am. Which nightmare did I just wake up in? Jeff and Michael are thrilled and well I just don't want to do this entire fly thing, I am scared but I don't want to be left out and not have the experience of sharing the memories with my family gathered around the dinner table sometime in the future. Then I think of Meghan and all she went through and if she was on this trip with us she would be on that bird in the sky without hesitation. Okay I will do it. No Yes No... what am I thinking.

Wednesday am (7:30) show up at the airstrip in Port Allen - weigh in (for weight distribution on the copter) thank goodness the reader was behind the counter and I did not have to share that information with the hubby, Mike and Jeff. Sign waivers, strap on some flotation device around our waist, receive further instruction ... and wait and wait and wait. No helicopter.... This must be a sign from God ... not met to be .... CANCELLED. Dodged a bullet. Oh wait the lady is rescheduling us for tomorrow... Really - now I have to think about it some more and stress and miss more sleep? This can not be good. Tomorrow in Lihue at 4:00 pm... don't you know the trade winds blow even harder in the afternoons and it rains. Surely I will be meeting with Jesus tomorrow.

Thursday 5:oo pm... we did it tour of the Kauai from the air over - done. I am- getting off the helicopter and breaking down in tears. All I can say is sometimes God just knows more about what you need than you know yourself. Jeff laughing at me for crying and video tapping it at the same time. A GIANT family hug, lots of emotion and memories to last a lifetime. Conclusion - you only get one chance at a 1st time for everything in your life. Maybe someday I would do this again but chances are it won't be with Mike, Jeff and Rich and it would not be the 1st time. One word summary - Beautiful.

Flying home on the plane on Friday - Hawaiian airlines and I have heard of this happening but never experienced it first hand.... Lady behind me leans forward and says " can you get a flight attendant QUICK".

Rich who is plugged into his head phones gives me the what do you want now look when I tap him on the shoulder (he is on the isle).... The women behind just asked for a flight attendant QUICK. He bounces up gets help and the women says my husband was just breathing fun and the flight attendant is trying to wake up HANK.... Long story short Hank died - EXPIRED on the flight. We left our seats and we were asked to go stand up front. The got Hank out of his seat, found medical people on board the flight and started the process of reviving and defibrillating this gentlemen. They worked on him along time. Very sad! Hank was 65 a diabetic and had heart problems according to his wife who remained very calm while all this was happening to her hubby. Hank ended up in the galley for the rest of the flight and when we arrived at LAX the paramedics had to come on and pronounce Hank. So it was a smooth but stressful flight for all the passengers. While we were standing in first class this irate foreigner jumps out of his seat charges us standing in the galley of first class and tells us to go back to our seats ,quit looking down the row and we are interfering with his move. God always leaves the means ones here longer on earth. OH he was ugly yelling at us. He should have just put his headphones on and watched the stupid movie. The plane was FULL were we supposed to sit on the WING. DUMB BASTARD... just thinking about it now makes me so angry. End of story. Land LAX and LAPD thinks it is a crime scene and no one can leave...! CRIME SCENE??? about 12 LAPD officers are standing around arguing about what to do... Don't they know everything about me from when I booked the flight and a manifest that shows where everyone was sitting..... Finally the captain of the plane and the paramedic who pronounced Hank, said let these people go have they not been through enough - he passed of natural causes. Oh let me tell you I have never looked so forward to a super shuttle ride home....

Much Better Week

It has been a much better week since my last rant and spew session. At least it feels better. Hope everyone had a great Labor day weekend and did something enjoyable. Rich and I went to the beach today.... A beach in Southern California. Seems like the only time we go to the beach anymore is when we are in New Jersey or Hawaii. We have beeeaaautiful beaches here in the O.C. Califia in San Clemente, easy parking if you are early, narrow beach but a FAMILY beach. I didn't have to put blinders on my hubby when the ladies (if you can call some of them ladies) have all their cheeks showing while running down the beach like Bo Derek in 10.

Michael, finally called seems he is a little short in the wallet from not working full time when he was visiting Meghan three times a day or more in the hospital and he did not pay his phone bill. We finally heard from him and it was such a big relief. And yes, I want to go into Mom mood and send him a check.... but he is going to Hawaii with us in two weeks and it will be all expenses paid by Dad. His metal state would best be described as "adjusting". We are hoping a trip to the Islands will be good for his spirit.

Jeff is happy in his new pad in Long Beach. He stopped by tonight and it was good to see him.

Last Wednesday was a good day here on the Island... I had three friends from High School here for Lunch. Nancy, whom lived across the street from me on Garlingford in Costa Mesa. I think I was in the third grade when we moved in across the street from each other. Diane, whom I have known since my first day of middle school and Donna, who went to school with Nancy and I at Killybrook Elementary. I will get the camera card out and put up some pictures in the next day or two. Sometimes it just feel good to catch up. It has been along time since our Annie Green Springs Boons Farm days... Love you ladies we have a history!

Some things just continue to be the way they were and the way they will be. My mom and the mess at her house can still only be described as a big MESS. Is it bad when your own mom thinks of her oldest daughter the way she would think of an x- husband? She does not want to hear what I have to say when it comes to Cassie. She does not want to be accountable or held to any standards and she does not want to be questioned on her crazy ass parenting skills and mental well being of teenagers. And to boot her health stinks but she ignores it.

The scrapbook ladies last Wednesday and Thursday had me rolling in the isles with laughter - which is so good for the body and mind. Julie V, wants to start a magazine called Tired Old Hags. We sit and come up with articles that we think would be beneficial to women, moms, wives. Someone starts with a funny line or article and before long everyone is jumping in and we are laughing at ourselves.... Here is one such article we plan to write immediately and need some extra help - if you think of anything let me know by email or a comment....

FOODS THAT LIE

Smart Water drinking it does not make you smarter

Wheat Thins eating these crackers will not make you thin

Slim Fast the only thing Fast here is how fast your hunger returns after you drink or eat their food

Skinny Cow this is ICE CREAM Skinny NOT

the above funnies were provided by my own observations on the first two.. Julie C, on Slim Fast and Lia on the Skinny Cow. We feel it is our right as consumers to no longer mislead the eating public with these misleading food titles... Be on the look out in your market and if you find any others let us know and we will get the food police and the FDA right on it.

Like a virtual game on the computer right now the TOH magazine is only in theory and the talking stages. Sure is some darn funny stuff.

We are thinking of some possibilities for good t-shirts and bumper slogans as well.

Today sitting on the beach I said to Rich - I feel like I am living a Jimmy Buffett song. If you know his music you know I mean. This happens to be my favorite Jimmy song right now.

Trip Around The Sun

Jimmy Buffett

Trip Around The Sun
By Al Anderson/Steve Bruton/Sharon Vaughn
(with Martina McBride)

Here I’m singin’ happy birthday
Better think about the about the wish I make
This year gone by ain’t been a piece of cake
Everyday’s a revolution
Pull it together and it comes undone
Just one more candle and a trip around the sun

CHORUS

I’m just hangin’ on while this old world keeps spinning
And it’s good to know it’s out of my control
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from all this livin’
Is that it wouldn’t change a thing if I let go

No you never see it comin’
Always wind up wonderin’ where it went
Only time will tell if it was time well spent
It’s another revelation
Celebrating what I should have done
With these souvenirs of my trip around the sun

CHORUS

I’m just hangin’ on while this old world keeps spinning
And it’s good to know it’s out of my control
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from all this livin’
Is that it wouldn’t change a thing if I let go

INSTRUMENTAL

Yes I’ll make a resolution
That I’ll never make another one
Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun
Just enjoy this ride

Revolution, Revelation and my favorite above. RESOLUTION... that I'll never make another one.... Get it my Resolution is not to make a resolution but to just enjoy the trip around the sun. Which I am thinking means you make a trip around the sun everyday as the WORLD turns.... Oh my time for bed this is all getting way to profound for me... Remember to live your dash.

Life goes on...

Yep, it seems to be going on all around me. July was a difficult month and August - did August even happen? It went by so very fast. Have not felt much like blogging, or sharing. Sad mostly I feel sad. Sad that people have to be selfish and self centered. That as a society most people just don't care about you, your life or much else. Just another dumb human taking up my space. My space at the market, on the freeway, at a restaurant. EXCUSE ME! and accidents are a thing of the past. You just know the person did whatever the offense was on purpose. Don't even try and explain anything to anyone you don't know personally or they look at you like you have antennas' and a third eye in the middle of your forehead. I don't want to be a whiner right now... but then again I want to whine so much and scream at what I feel are little injustices in my life and those around me. We all have them. Truly, I want to bury my head under my pillows and come up for air sometime next year.

Why... Jeff had a little (very little) not even what I would call a fender bender the other day and within 5 days his insurance adjuster calls says the lady (which is really just a whore in another way) is suing you. Here are the facts as I know them. Jeff looked down at the GPS to see what off ramp he needed to get off at, traffic on the 91 by the 605 was stopped. He rolled into the car in front of him breaking a piece of plastic off of his Scion (as you know these Scions are like air and will dent in heavy dew) and her car had no damage..... OH BUT she was Asian with an accent - told Jeff she was FINE, in broken english as she here's the ring of a slot machine paying off in her ears.. (money money money JACKPOT). NOW tells the insurance company Jeff was going 60 MPH when he plowed into her.... UGH.. all the ugly nerve of people like her, it is a good thing I don't know who she is or I would trim her bushes... REALLY... does she not believe in science YOU CAN NOT BE GOING 60 MPH hit a stopped object and not have DAMAGE to the vehicles... where did she go to high school

- YOUNG DUMB DANG!

Maybe I should not be spewing but today is my day to COMPLAIN and SPEW hoping this will all make me feel better.... ! not working yet. Then there is this little issue with my niece CASSIE. The one who stole money from my mom is having sex with a boy who has a man penis and no brain to back it up, killed the cat and basically at 15 does what ever she wants and my mom lets her because she is FRAGILE.... Today I was informed she is cutting her self... SELFISH... of course my mom will not call me back. Oh and next Cassie will be putting my mom in her grave. GOD WHY? I say intervention NOW... I guess this is my way of telling my mom and the world these people need HELP...! Mom call me you are 73 and doing the best any senior citizen can do with teenagers and 5 to 7 other people living in your house. This is what happens when there are no boundaries. Guess who gets to clean up the mess if my mom has a stroke and dies... ME.... is that not selfish my mom would expect me to clean up her mess when she dies but she won't do it herself NOW.

Then there is our Michael Paul.. the kid at 28 has been through so much and grieving. Tomorrow is Meghans 28th birthday. Going to be a very hard day. We must have 6 to 8 calls into the guy - we just want to hear his voice talk to him and see where is head and heart are at this week. SELFISH! Instead we just get to worry more and wait short of getting in the car and driving up to Ben Lomond.

I keep looking for the silver or bronze (I will even take gray) lining and I am not seeing it right now. Laughing feels wrong when something is funny - watch out here comes another doozie. I can't be creative because it just feels wrong to do something you might enjoy. Thank goodness for Wednesday nights and friends who validate you.

Jeff moved out this past weekend... that is good I guess except he is broke and being sued... No surprise there. I am dog sitting for a friend and the dog soaked the carpet with the biggest doggy pee pee every. Why she didn't use the dog door that she always uses is a mystery to me. And she has a sore doggy paw from skidding on the cement in the backyard while swimming and chasing her tennis ball. Then there is this entire Tennis thing where I was surprised fired my tennis team..... It is just tennis and I keep meaning to post my email response just for entertainment purposes. The worst part is you find out what you thought was friendship after 10 years is not friendship.

I don't believe things come in threes (3). I have heard it said that these trails build characters, that God does not give you more than you can handle. Maybe that is true for God but what if the devil gets in there? He sure seems to be dishing out a lot of UGLY.

as the quiet music plays in the background and we have a happy ending.... NOT... Now you know why I have not been blogging. If you don't have anything positive to say than don't say it. I kept waiting for some really good stuff and I know it is there. I need Dr. Phil or Oprah or just to get it out there... No matter what for anyone who reads these ramblings. Don't be sad, mad or glad for these things. Just be aware - be happy and do the right darn thing. Don't lie, Don't think you can handle it on your own, pick up the phone call your parents, let the dog out at 5 am to go pee pee when she whines, be a true friend.. and just do your best to do the right thing. I know I/we are all works in progress.

Feeling it

yep, sad, blue a little depressed. As a friend of mine said about Meghan's OB in the paper - 27 years and you get a couple of paragraphs written about you at the end of the day. I guess that is true about all of us no matter when we die. Then it is up to your family to write those couple of paragraphs about you and your life, if they choose to, then again maybe there is no family left. Maybe we should all write our own before we go.

Leaving for Santa Cruz and Ben Lomond EARLY on Thursday. Jeff, is driving up on his own (Mr. environmental) seems he does not want to spend 8 hours in the car with his parents - prefers his own company. Of course I am the DRAMA QUEEN around her since I suggested that we stay the extra day in Ben Lomond to celebrate his 32nd birthday on Saturday. But after living at home for the past 3 years (now there is a big hurry) it seems this weekend is the only weekend left to go look for an apartment and move out by September 1. I am the mama, I gave birth to him, I have the stretch marks to show what 9lbs 6 oz will do to you and I brought him into this world naturally (what in hell was I thinking)! Even Michael, said it would be nice to have Jeff's birthday the next day. I think so too. Let this family spend some time together, make some new memories and start some healing. What do I know? I think even at this age you can go into MOM MODE and the last thing they want is a mom!

Yep, just feeling it. Maybe I will get 2 and 1/2 paragraphs in the end....s

To Be Continued....

Makes you wonder what is next, how the plot will change if the hero and heroine make it out alive, if everyone lives happily ever after. Life is NOT a 30 or 120 minute TV show or something you see on the big screen, not everyone lives happily ever after and for sure it takes more than TV or the length of a move to figure out life and what is next. AHHHH! Reality bites and hurts. after 2 days at home it feels like New Jersey was a life time ago. The best invention ever made the camera. Memories captured on film or a tiny card saved on a cd.... these are a few of my Jersey Shore memories...

New Jersey Shore

We are back safe and sound from a great trip to the Jersey Shore - Seaside Park. Home for a few days in my own bed with Gracie by my side. Great pictures to share and stories too. But for now all that has to wait while the laundry gets done and a trip to the market for a little food. Packing our bags again to head up North for Meghan's Celebration of Life this Thursday.

Meghan and Michael Oahu May 2007

Meghan Long Beach Aquarium January 2008.

Back on the Bucket List

Road Trip we leave this afternoon to go see our Michael in Ben Lomond. I don't know if we need to see him more than he needs to see us... but we are going. We just need to all be together for awhile. Jeff, drove up last night about 10 p.m. (another mom worry -driving 8 hours that late at night) but he wanted to be with his brother and didn't want to wait and drive up with us. Niagara Falls has been cancelled and put back on the bucket list for another day and time. We are still going to do the New Jersey week at the shore and leave next Saturday. Continental really gigged us on the pricing to change flights what was reasonable is now OUTRAGEOUS. But the house at the shore was already paid for and Rich really feels he needs the time away - So off we go to TROPICAL New Jersey... it does say that in their state travel brochure right? Right now the thought is that Meghans celebration will be August 14.

Off to pack some clean ones... and prepare for a looonnnnnggg (long) car ride. Love the spousal bonding time...

NOT. Am I to old for car games to keep me occupied? Love - God Bless

Meghan

For the friends and family that read this blog and send us all the hope, prayers and good wishes for Meghan, our Michael and her family. Our Michael called this morning in gut wrenching tears and repeating over and over how sorry he was.... Meghan took her last breath early this morning July 27th at about 1:30 am. He told me she was no longer in pain and he and her family were with her and that they got to say good bye. Meghan was 27.

At the fair on Saturday I did something I have never done before. I had a henna tattoo of an octopus put on my left ankle to wear to represent Meghan. When Michael and Meghan went to Oahu a few years ago they purchased an amazing little octopus necklace for her. It looks more like a piece of art than jewelry. That octopus had become my symbol for Meghan and Michael to as a couple. Art, Love, Memories, Vacation, Ocean, Fighters

Strength and so much more...

Continued prayers. Thank you to everyone - we know you will carry Meghan, Michael and her family in your hearts today. Hug someone today and do it more than once and let someone hug you too.

Last Week and VBS

Sawdust Festival Laguna Beach

...

VBS- Kelly and Cassie with Kelly's group. One set of twins and one set of triplets in her group.

Kelly's handprint t-shirt... So CUTE!

Wow, what a week! It was fun, busy, memorable and GONE... yep, another week of this year, of this month, in the books. Another chapter of life complete. Last Sunday we said good bye to Kevin, Danni and Michael, after visting Crystal Cove and the Sawdust Festival and celebrating those July birthdays. Then it was off to Toms Farms to pick up Kelly and get ready for VBS- Vacation Bible School (Cassie joined us at VBS on Tuesday). It is probably best to put the week in pictures rather than words. So here are a few.

Because Blogger/Apple is so PICKY I am going to do this in stages it won't let me move the pictures around in the proper order once I upload them.