AHHH I just need to VENT

Life is difficult no doubt about it... So you just want to print some new pictures on your new $400 Canon printer 900PRO (guess you need to be some type of Pro to get it to work along with your Apple) and your mini million dollar Apple Lap top. NO not happening spending 3 hours downloading software, clicking buttons and the stupid iphoto library won't show up in the Canon print screen... Then I try to log onto CANON and apparently I don't know my own email address or somehow when I saved it into contacts I put the wrong information. Can't a girl catch a dumb break here. Then you put in your email address (the one that everyone knows including yourself) to get Canon to help you out... ooopppsss not good enough you need to know your password too. DUMB ASSES why do you think I am trying to email you. Technology sucks!

All this seems petty I know. But, at my house there is no one to compalin too so Mr. Canon and Mr. APPPLE here it is on my blog... and no I don't feel better!

Knowing

Another day of knowing ...

Terminal

Terminal... I think of an airport, vacation fun times, adventures awaiting. I don't think of illness or a life ending.

Pretty much my hubby's illness is Terminal. What to do - What to do. How much time ..... ? We know it won't be a year. We are not the first to deal with knowing and we won't be last. Do I blog - journal and capture the moments of love, grace, humbleness - the thought that any memory or sunset could be OUR last together. Is this my place to write thoughts- quirks -uncertainties? Many questions - no answers...

One year ago today...

One year ago today was the last day I had written on my blog... I had no idea - coincidence - I am not sure that I just clicked on it today and it was exactly one year later... I don't know that I will keep this up or if I want to keep this up... But a quick review for me - for you...

Let me start with today - EXCITING - Eileen and Patty are coming from New Jersey for an unexpected but very WELCOME visit. Bad news it will be a short one, in tonight and leaving Sunday... Oh well not going to think about them leaving before they get here.

Rich is at the City of Hope with Dale - he needs blood and platelets today - he will then be good to spend the weekend having fun with his NJ cousins.

I have an infection and could not play tennis today kind of bummed... and it is HOT but wonderful... Thankful for antibodics.

What else - I am doing dishes in the bathroom sink that is a good one. The kitchen faucet decided it would be a good time to break and send a waterfall out from under the cabinet. Thank GOD we were home. Good News the new part should be here tomorrow and not the 3 weeks we were original told. Oh FYI did you know that they don't make faucets in white anymore. Blame Bush!

Happy Birthday DONNA AND PATTY.

I need to go to Costco and buy some food for my guests. Putting on my BRAVE GIRL Pants and sending myself out into the world. More later maybe.... hugs to anyone reading this

I AM NOT READY

I am not ready = I am not ready. I am not ready and if I am not ready - Rich really must not be ready... or Kevin true honesty. I AM NOT READY for what is coming up in the next couple of weeks or months. But was Jesus ready when he went to the cross??? Profound... But please keep me sane!!!! AMEN...

SHOCKING a NEW POST

Not even sure if anyone ever checks here or looks to see what is new at the ISLAND. I was going to do a new BLOG with my IMAC - seriously to much work. With Rich getting ready for his second bone marrow transplant and needing to keep people updated... I thought better for now to just update this good ole - good enough for now blog. SHOCKING I know that I blogged.

Rich starts out patient chemo next Monday for 5 days. Checks into the City of Hope on Saturday for heavy chemo and gets the bone marrow transplant on Tuesday or Wednesday. October 26th or 27th.

His brother KEVIN is giving him the gift of a life time. He is a match and will be Rich's donner. Thank God for Kevin and a brother willing to not only give but drive from the central coast, be tested, poked, prodded, and harvested and probably feel like he has the flu for a couple of days.

Love to all or anyone still tuned into this blog. We will be doing updates here and letting everyone know Rich's progress and that the HYLAND'S' ISLAND Blog is back in action....

BIRTHDAY MONTH

Gosh I guess I have been MIA or living life or something. Why now Why this moment. Who knows just feeling somethings and thinking things that I am not sure what to do with and what I can do or where I can go to express myself. So I am putting them out there in the universe in cyber land! CRAZY. Anyway just sitting here at the computer getting ready to head towards my pillow and feeling profound overwhelmed feelings. Squeezed my fingers between my eyes and almost sobbed. In lieu of sobbing I am putting my fingers to work on the keyboard! My heart tells me things are about to get crazy again. Why can we not get away from the CANCER wheel? Hubby does not have cancer but he now has low white counts and not enough platelets. All a direct result of all his cancer treatments. We may be looking at a second bone marrow transplant this year... I just want to scream NO NO NO... I don't want to be a poor me/us, cry baby or be THOSE PEOPLE again... The worst thing right now is the mental part for Rich. I see the wheels turning I see doubt, discomfort and uncertainty - just pop into his brain. He does not even have to say anything. I will deal with this again - I will do what I need to do when I need to do it. This is my cyber land contract with myself. All this has nothing to do with my birthday except to wonder what it will be like next year. Truly, I feel like I have finally come out of the last transplant and the passing of Meghan. Mentally and physical feeling like - yes - life is feeling normal again (whatever that is). Thanks to all my friends and Church family and family.... we will get through this again and now I am crying.... Just sprinkling really. xoxoxo