No Longer Gray

Yes, the confirmed diagnosis is in you could say it is definitely black and white and no longer gray. Although the doctor said it was back and he was 95% sure you still hang your hat on that other mysterious 5%.... well maybe it is wrong and we are just going through the treatments, routines and emotions because it is the thing to do for a year. Then you hear the words "test show the current treatment is not working"... UGH! Last year they couldn't get anything from the bad Lymph (inconclusive) Good news bad news this year they got that darn lymph on the needle biopsy and yes it is conclusive the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma is back. No more gray - no more 5%... We were on the bus going down the road living life and now we must changes buses and go down a different road... Not sure how I feel, although I know deep in my heart and soul I am not feeling what the hubby is feeling... it is in his body not mine. I am attached to it - it has again taken up residence in our home and life, I am beside him and will do everything in my power and ability to help him to help us to fight it and get it back in remission! I want to cry and be emotional and then I hear that voice that says give it to me... I am your God and I will help you both... Then I cry a few tears.