Hylands Island July

I have always loved the month of July. Michael's Birthday, Rich's Birthday, his brother Kevin's Birthday, Summer time, the 4th of July. July 2009 is showing itself to be very unsettling and messing with my personal security and freedom (no pun intended). Our Michael had his car broken into up in Santa Cruz, they broke a window stole his wallet with ATM card and drivers license and managed to charge and drain his account of $800.00 before he even knew his truck had been broken into. They also took his cell phone, extra keys for the truck (don't we all leave our extras locked inside the car) and his clothes. Poor guy had to drive home in his wet suit. This is all done days before his birthday. Which brings me to the next update.... Meghan goes into the hospital the same day for pain management and to be drained from her ascites (fluid retention from the liver not working). Meghan remains in the hospital and there is no good news. Her mother is on 24 hour vigil at the hospital and our Michael goes there 3 or more times a day while working to stop in and say hi and give her a kiss and he mostly finds her resting or sleeping. She has been so sick and throwing up constantly that they put some type of pump in her stomach. They have stopped giving her fluids..... July July July! Prayers for peace and that understanding that surpasses all others. I don't understand - I can't give Michael, Meghan's family or myself the words to help us cope. I know many of you continue to pray and we thank you. I need to go now and write a letter to Meghan which I am not sure she will ever read. One thing the Hyland's are absorbing from all this is you have to do WHAT IS IN AND ON YOUR HEART. Love to all, thanks to everyone for their love, support and caring.

Don't cry because it is over - smile because it happened... Dr. Seuss

A mothers/Friend letter to her son

June 17, 2009

Dearest Son:

From the moment you were born it has always been our desire that you know happiness and love. As a child we did our best to keep you from harm and hurt. We would do anything within our power to keep you from suffering the grief and loss you are undoubtedly about to go through with Meghan. Although Michael, this will be a difficult time I just want to share with you a little advise, consider it not from your mom but from an older wiser friend who loves and cares for you very much (as does your mother). We just want to help you through this time and it is very important for you to let us help you. Not only Dad, Jeff and myself, but your friends too.

Meghan has a profound and far reaching effect on us, our family and most certainly our friends. When I see the Bunco ladies the first thing they ask is “how is Meghan –how is Michael”. You both have been in the hearts and countless prayers of our friends both new and old. She has made a difference in there life in more ways than either one of you will ever know. Once she passes and goes to heaven both of you will continue to touch lives by example. WOW! What I am trying to say Michael is you have us, Meghan’s family, and countless people that need to know you are coping and dealing.

We are so proud of the man you are. With the prayers and help of God you will help Meghan in these final days. I know how weak and incapable you must feel and that you don’t want to be strong but you are strong and capable – you know what you are made of and you know what is inside of you. Mike, you need to tell this beautiful soul that you will live the rest of your life to honor her, her love, courage and bravery. She knows in the depth of her being what is happening and yet she probably feels like she is letting everyone who loves her down. It is so important to her and to you that you have all the love and memories locked away in your mind and heart or written down. You will need these last days and conversations to last a lifetime here on earth for you.

There is no right way to go down the road you know you will go down with someone who is dying. In my attempts to be sure you know that although this is tragic, it is also an honor. That at the end of the day, you got everything out of this journey. I have enclosed a couple of pages from a few books. The experts can express themselves much better than your mom/friend.

Quote from the book Final Gifts- Though it can be grief- and stress laden, death can occur in a context of completion and closure. After going through a death this way, many people say This may have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m so glad I did it or The only thing that really helps me now that she’s gone is that she knew, as I do, that I did everything I could for her”

You need to reassure her that you Michael will be all right. Share with her what you maybe thinking and planning, reassure her you will be okay. Part of the process of getting to the next part of the journey for Meghan is the anxiety for those she is leaving behind, their sadness and grief and that she wants to be remembered. I know people remembering her is very important to her.

We will probably never talk to Meghan again – although we would like nothing more than to see her or talk to her again to tell her thank you… Sincerely thanks…. Thanks for loving you our son, the memories and the life lessons she has taught and shared with you. To thank her for growing up with you these last 9 years. Tell her thanks for your favorite “couple” song that 20 years from now when your driving in the car and you hear YOUR song on the radio you will still stop and think of her. Ask her Mike how she wants you to celebrate her birthday this year, so when that day comes you will feel like she is with you – where would she go if she could go anywhere in the world and tell her you will live your life trying to get there.

I am sending this book with Jeff, for you. I am not recommending you read the entire book, but I am recommending that you thumb through the contents and read what applies now. Michael what I have read so far is very powerful that helps some of those questions and curiosities in our mind take on answers and give us reason and purpose of understanding into these final days. Michael, a little information will go along way in insuring that you are listening, enjoying and understanding Meghan these next couple of days or months. Yes, asking God for his spirit, wisdom and endurance will also give you great strength and guidance. Just ask him and you will be amazed.

Dad and I our here to talk with you, listen to you, here your fears and offer whatever wisdom we may have. Michael, when you need us we will be there in a heart beat. Please keep us informed! Again we love you, we love Meghan!

In our prayers and we continue to pray for that miracle – in whatever form that miracle is going to take.

Aloha

Mom